I was waiting after church for my son-in-law to get my grandson from his class. Nothing unusual. Just chatting with Katy and Michael. Like most Sundays. I felt a tug on my shirt and looked down at Trenton. What’s that on his shirt? A closer look. Yep!! BIG BROTHER!!!! Tears started immediately…I’m an emotional mess in my menopausal years. Another grandchild!! Such a blessing. I do love my grandbabies. We all say it….”If I had known how great being a grandparent is, I’d have had my grandchildren first!” I love my kids, of course I do. But it’s so wonderful to be able to enjoy these little children without all the responsibilities and stress. Plus, I have learned a lot about patience and seizing the moment since I was a young mama.
Back to the baby. The new baby on the way. This little person who is so wanted and so loved already. A tiny miracle. Girl or boy? Seriously, everyone is thinking it….we do want a little girl, but equally as serious: We know it doesn’t matter. What do we say? As long as the baby is healthy.
So everything was going along normally. Katy had morning sickness. A good sign, I always say. A good sign the baby is healthy. I of course am the on-top-of-things Grandma. Every time I hear a cute name, I text Katy. Anna, Natalie, oh and of course, Susan! All girl names. I say, “It’s too hard to choose a boy name.”
The day Katy and Frank went to find out the sex of the baby, I was in class teaching. I got a short text from Katy. “Can you pray for us please? I can’t talk right now. Just need prayer.” And later, “It’s the baby.” So much happened in a short period of time. The world stopped for me. I can’t imagine what my baby girl was experiencing. I can’t comprehend how my precious son-in-law was feeling. I got to them as soon as I could.
Their baby girl had so much wrong with her. Her brain had only partially developed. Her heart was underdeveloped. Her limbs had limited development. So. Much. Wrong. She would not survive the pregnancy. She would not live. She wouldn’t take her first steps. Or go to kindergarten. Or go to prom. Or get married. We would not get to hold her and love on her and take her shopping or to get her ears pierced. Or watch her sit on Santa’s lap. Or hear her sing about Jesus.
This is heartbreak.
On December 19, 2014, our precious little girl went into the arms of Jesus. She is perfect and beautiful. She is loved. She is missed.
Last night I bought a special ornament for our tree. An ornament I will hang each year in memory of our little angel. A star. In the center is the word BELIEVE.
I believe she is waiting to meet us all in Heaven. I believe she is whole and perfect.